What do you do if you get homesick Jim?

I've got animation for this one, click here to see it.

What part of the world are you in now Jim and whats it like and what are you doing?

I’m in a part of the World that is not for the feint hearted (clues to my whereabouts are given in all the cartoons-clues like “I’m in India now…” Also, clues to “what am I doing” are also given in the cartoons, cos they show what I’m doing. Thanks Mr Moz, but you really have to pay more attention.

Dear Jim, I notice you play the banjo, I got a ukulele for Christmas which I'm really enjoying & now I'm thinking of buying a banjo. I wondered if you could tell me the difference between a 5 string & 6 string one & which would be better for a beginner. - Excellent website by the way. Thanks, Angela Pugh

Well thankyou too, Angela Pugh.
Yes I do play the banjo. Well spotted. The ukulele is made from an armadillo isn’t it? Tough luck being a creature with fine acoustic responses. The difference between a 5 string and a 6 string banjo is about 1 centimetre, and about 4 decibels.  And do you know the definition of a gentleman? Someone who can play the banjo but choses not to.

Dear Jim, I once shoved a Bryant and May unlit match down my Japs Eye. Do you think that if I did it in India it could help me get closer to God Yours hopefully, Sean

Dear Sean, I thought Bryant May was the long haired guitarist from Queen that lives infront of an industrial-sized fan, who uses a sixpence for a plectrum (I saw that on Blue Peter once). As to what you once did with him, either lit or unlit, I just hope he washed his hair afterwards. But, doing such a thing in India could get you in serious trouble. They still love The Queen over here, and they have car horns that play out Bohemian Rhapsody in it’s entirety. A bit of jay-walking can leave you in Rock Opera hell, believe me. But if your aim is to truly get closer to God Sean, maybe a visit to the local parish priest would be a good place to start. - God Bless You

Jim, How often do you get your haircut? What product do you use to maintain your spike? - SKW

Dear SKW
Great name you’ve got there. I’m lucky with my hair. It grows straight up from the top of my head, never deviating from the vertical. I like to get it cut fairly often, but I’m not obsessive about it. Acceptable range is 1.5-2.3 centimtres in straight-up-ness. So, pretty much I get it cut every Friday. Apparently, one of the reasons I got this job was cos my hair is easy to animate, but I find that a bit existential for my liking. I don’t really use hair products when I’m travellin. A camel pissed on me hair once and it went all flat for about a week. Stunk like camel piss too.

Have you run into any funny americans in your travels jim? - Moz

Ahh, Moz again, from Sydney, how’s it goin?
Funny Americans? Not many. I hear they like to stay at home and learn about the World that way. I hear Fox TV is very good for that. I think all Americans when they travel like to stay in the big flash hotels and eat in the poncey restaurants and go to private beaches, which is not where you tend to find travelers hanging out. But, as you know, I don’t like to generalize. I do want to go to America though. I hear it’s quite big.

Ahh, now, I’m saving that tidbit for a special moment. It’s not what you think though! You probably reckon I studied at uni, or something. Would you be surprised to know that I left school at 16?

I really like the music that accompanies some of your stories, especially the banjo. Do you play the banjo as well as the bongos? If so, does a website exist where I can download your banjo riffs? Ali from Cardiff

Hello Ali from Cardiff
Thankee most kindly. Yep, girls love the banjo, that’s for sure. If I had a quid for every time a girl has invited me over to her room to play lat night banjo for her and her dad I’d be larfing.   As for my banjo riffs as downloadable items, what a novel idea! I’m sure it would net me millions. Thanks for the business advice, Ali from Cardiff

Hey Jimbob, are all your films suitable for kiddies as i was going to show it to a 13 year old? Bronwyn, from Wales (I presume)

That depends now. If the 13 year old was brought up on the Hippy trail with their hippy parents and was used to being exposed to the antics of young grown ups being mental and shoving all kinds of illegal substances down therir gobs, then Yes, by all means show them. If, however, the 13 year old has lived a normal life, attended a State school, and has been exposed to normal Western TV and the Media, then Yes, by all means show them, cos they’ll have seen a damn sight worse that I’m going to offer them. Hope that answers your concerns, Bronwyn from Wales (I presume)

Have you ever drunk too much on a moonlight beach and then smoked pot to reggae music? Moz, Sydney Australia

You again! Bleedin heck, I think I’ve got a fan!
I have to confess, the answer is yes. But I ruined it, because I got me banjo out and and jammed along. “Spoilt the ambience,” some prat reckoned. Well he can piss off! Just because banjo reggae is not a fully recognized genre, don’t mean to say I can’t give it a go, does it? That’s what I wa yelling at him as he took off up the beach with his boom box. And all the girls. And his ganja. Bollox to him, I say.

Hi Jim! What is your favourite food? - Alex, Sheffield

Well, Alex from Sheffield, it ain’t sushi, that’s for sure. And I can’t be doin with that new poncey shite you get in flash café’s nowadays either, you know, wheat-free millet toast and pureed ostrich feet pile-a-shite. One of THE most underrated dishes is the Weetabix. Weetabix and cheese! Bloody lovely. Weetabix and beans! Oooh, stop now! Weetabix and wilted spinach? Piss off!
Also, I love curry. And Nan bread I love too. And lime pickle. And Rivita.

Is it too late for porridge? Paul, from Kingston-upon-Thames

Thankyou for asking Paul, but that depends on what time you wrote the email,. If it’s after 11 in the morning, I’d have to say yes. Cos porridge, unlike Weetabix, really is just a breakfast food, and you’d be mad to not agree with me on that one.
I’ve never heard of no one having porridge for dinner. Or supper.
Also, if you really do have to ask someone “is it too late for porridge,” I think you’ve left home too soon. But that’s not for me to say.

Have you ever been tempted to go out with your best friends sister? - Maccie

Good question Maccie. Well the answer is NO, cos me best friend is Mad Alfie, and his sister is his brother Kenny, who went mad in Goa and wears a nightfrock. I definitely do not fancy her (him). (He hasn’t got a sister, by the way). BUT, if you fancy your best friends sister, the best thing you can do is fall out with yer best mate, and then you’re free to persue the love interest.

Daniel Mead HI mate, your clips are great mate, keep on doin more and more.

Thankyou Daniel. Coming from a man that’s sur name is an old honey-tinged ale, that means a lot to me. I will keep on doin more and more. Mainly cos I can’t keep me bloody gob shut. I have to keep talking otherwise it all goes quiet. Good luck to you sir!